By Holly Easterby
Holly Easterby grew up in a family where kids always had a great time with their parents through reunions. This type of relationship has made her interested in helping other families experience the same by providing content for Bonza Brats and in blogs like this one. In this article, she gives tips on how you can be closer to your kids.
Do you know what separates good parents from the bad ones? Their parenting style. How do your kids describe you? Are you someone they would gladly mention when talking to their friends? Do they introduce you to the people around when you come to their school? You can easily spot kids who are totally in love with their moms of dads. They can’t help the smiles on their faces when they are with them. Don’t be stuck where you and your kids only talk when they do something wrong. Get a little bit closer and make them love you more with these tips.
How to Make Your Kids Love You More
- Give your kid a kiss or a hug. Touching can be considered a communication tool. Spank your kid, and you make them feel pain. Hug or kiss them and you show how much you car. Make it habit to kiss or hug them when you leave the house and when you arrive. You can also do this before they go to sleep after reading their favorite story book.
- Listen more than you talk. Many parents make communication a one-way street. Kids listen while they do the sermon for the whole day. This is not the right way to raise kids though. It makes them overly dependent and you on the other hand fail to listen to what they really need. Talk, but also make it a point to let your kids engage in the conversation. The more you listen, the more you will be able to understand what makes them tick.
- See the story, not what it seems to be. It is so easy to be judgmental. Your kid is too whiny. He quarrels with the other kids in the neighborhood. He is never growing up. But if there is that one person who should be the first to see the story behind it all, it should be you. Dig deeper as to what caused them to be that way before judging your kid guilty.
- Surprise them. Remember how it was when your spouse surprised you when he proposed? Or how your wife snubbed you the whole day, only to find out the night later that your friends were waiting at home to celebrate your birthday? Why not treat your kids the same way? Sneak in their favorite dessert in their lunch box. Fill their room with balloons before they wake up on their birthday.
- Choose your words. The tongue is a very powerful tool. It can be a bridge for two people to have a relationship, or be used as a tool to make people want to stay away for good. Harsh words hone distrust, hate, separation and sadness. Its opposite, positive words, build love, peace, confidence, and a lasting relationship. ?You are stupid! Incompetent! You can’t even do this right!? If you were to be honest with yourself, how would you feel if you were the recipient of such kinds of words?
- Never be too busy. One of the best ways to get closer with your kids is to give them some of your time. A plush toy or that expensive collectible car will never be able to replace your physical presence. Allot a “no work policy” during weekends. Turn off the computer and your phone. Reserve this time for your family. Go out and have lunch in a restaurant of play their favorite outdoor game together. Whatever you do, never let your work get in the way of spending time with your kids. They can grow up really fast and you can’t press their childhood on replay even if you wanted to.
- Give them space. It is natural for you to worry when you see your kids wanting to have an “alone time” in their rooms. Kids and parent relationship should have its boundaries though especially when they are already in their teens. Are you holding some secrets that you would rather not share with anyone? All people have some things they want to hide, and so does your kid. It’s your right to feel worried. But stepping on the boundaries where you are not allowed permission to enter or make a comment is a sign of disrespect. Respect knows no age, and this should include younger people too.
- Tell them the most three important words. Saying “I love you” validates your true feelings for your child. Barbie or any plastic Marvel superhero will not be able to open its mouth and say that for you. The funny thing is that there are only three words to this sentence. But many parents get the words stuck in their throat most of the time. If you weren’t told this as a kid, chances are you too are not telling this to your child. It gets better with practice. Try it today.
- Learn to apologize. Next to “I love you,” “Sorry” is shorter, but is more difficult to say. But what do you usually do when your small boy or girl does something wrong? Isn’t it that you tell them to apologize and tell your other kid to accept the apology? Nobody wants to be in the wrong. But strength is not only found in assuming a bigger character where you are not allowed to make mistakes. Such expectations are not usually set by other people though, but by these people themselves. It’s okay to be wrong. The tricky part is being in the wrong and staying stuck there by not admitting your mistakes. If you did your kid something bad, apologize.
- Dream their dreams. Yes, there are small girls who will tell you they’ll want to be a princess when they grow up. But they later change their minds to include more realistic goals in accordance to their capabilities. Once they do find that special thing they would like to do, support them. Did you know that doing this in itself is a sign of belief in their ability to make their dreams come true? Knowing that someone believes in you makes people feel a whole lot more special.
Final Thoughts
Time will pave way for generational changes. Kids will be wearing a different fashion style. They will be using more advanced gadgets. New words will be added in the dictionary as a result of kids’ street talk. But while some things will change, you can choose to keep the more important ones the same if you wanted to. One of these is your relationship with your kids. Time, care, love, acceptance, understanding, patience and genuine concern- let all these things guide you to be a better parent. One that your kids can’t help but love.
Author: Holly Easterby
Holly’s love for children has seen her featured in many education and children websites, whether talking about healthy snacks, motivating students or children’s fashion at Bonza Brats. Holly loves reading books, and shopping is her way of spending time with her young family. If you would like to catch her, you can via Google+ or Twitter: @HollyEasterby
