By Anonymous
Before I had my first, Lennon, I was a mild mannered (boring) tax accountant. Conservatively dressed working in a stuffy office. I was never without pantyhose. But when I got pregnant, I completely changed! For the better. I sought out a home-birth midwife and planned to have my baby in the water.
I was so focused on the birth; I never thought breastfeeding would be challenging. Why would it? I read a book or two; I attended a 40 minute class. I had boobs. How much more prepared could I be, right?! I had never heard about horror breastfeeding stories.
My eyes were definitely opened to the challenges of breastfeeding the second I met Lennon. But I never gave up. I never gave in to all the “helpful” advise to just give him some formula. There was something in me that just kept me going. Love, stubbornness, hormones, whatever. I stuck with it. I made it through an un-revised lip tie and un-revised tongue tie. I had to modify my entire diet to get to the bottom of my first son’s digestive issues. I had to remove dairy and soy when I was already a vegetarian, so I essentially became a vegan in my 1st year of nursing (which is SO hard). I nursed through my second pregnancy. I nursed through sleepless nights. I don’t think I have slept for at least 6 years!! I nursed Lennon for 5 years and Erik (my 2nd) hoping to nurse for as long as we can. I am not putting a number on it as I want it to just be as long as it needs to be. I nursed through more challenges with my second, but I never thought I couldn’t do it. Never thought about giving up.
I am a stay-at-home-mama and always thought I was weak for suffering from depression here and there. Just recently I realized how strong I am. And this tattoo (private) will memorialize my journey into motherhood and my strength.
My husband is one of my biggest supporters. He still reminds me of a story when my first was 3 months old (so I was still such a newbie to mamahood and nursing in public). We were at an event of at least 100 people. Lennon was getting fussy and I just sat down on a couch in a sea of people and nursed him. Still makes me tear up thinking about it. I didn’t really see it as a statement on public breastfeeding or anything; I simply wanted to comfort and feed my baby. There may have been 100 people in the room, but to me there was just Lennon and me.
