I’m so fat.
I’m disgusting.
I’m so gross.
These are all thing I have uttered to myself since about 10 years old. I am pushing 40 years old now and things seem about the same.
But now I have experienced body empowerment on a level that I didn’t know existed. Because of 2 little boys. Because of them. Because of us.
I entered the studio and I was welcomed with a hug. We laughed and talked about life as we know it now as a bit of make up was applied to my face.
I was invited to put on my pre-chosen underwear and sit for an interview. I sat on a stool in my underwear. I thought I would feel naked, but i didn’t.
As always, I was asked about breastfeeding. And I cried. I choked on my words and sniffled and wiped the tears. I told of suffering, confusion, isolation and then education, empowerment and community.
If these panties could speak they would speak of many adventures. At the last moment I grabbed them from my drawer thinking I might, but probably not, wear them during the photo shoot. “It would be too much,” I thought. But when I asked for input from Ashley and Laura they loved them and didn’t see the long history and tangled truth and cobwebs of feminine experience.
They only saw me for what I am worth in all aspects of this crazy journey. They see me as a woman, a mom, a sister, a daughter, a wife and a friend. And these all exist in one person. This is me. In all my glory.
Thank you 4th Trimester Bodies Project.
