How can I say this? Today was shitty. Yes, shitty, that works.
It started off grand with a 45 minute run through the park pushing my 2 boys, sun shining, healthy breakfast, I was kicking life’s ass and it wasn’t even 9am.
Then we decided to go to the beach. It’s in the 80’s here in Chicago and we never miss a chance to crowd onto the streets when the sun is out. But with a plan like this with a 6-year-old and 3-year-old you must have zen-like patience. And I have the patience of a crocodile.
We started the packing of sand toys, blankets, snacks, sunscreen, swim gear and as quickly as it was being packed up it was being unpacked by a toddler or a cat. I swear to you all I was being so calm. I was just picking up the messes and keeping on. But as you all know the chaos continued. And even though the beach is just 3 blocks away from us this started to feel like a downward spiral that had no end.
This past weekend I left my keys at my parents’ house and so my husband and I have been sharing his keys. He took the back door keys, I took the front door keys. I didn’t remember until he was gone that I would not be able to get the jogging stroller out of the back gate without the key and so I had to fold it and carry it through our city condo.
Now the stroller, our crap and my 2 kids are crowded in our front hallway. Seriously folks, I had not had a meltdown yet… Until Exley decided to walk down the stairs and out of the building. I told him to stop several times and he ignored me. No surprise there. Jack said, “I’ll get him!” And he proceeded to leave too. I stormed down the stairs yelling at them (mostly Exley) to get back in the house and never to leave without my permission and why can’t he listen. And I unleashed my growing frustration in a few very loud sentences.
I was so lost in my anger I didn’t notice what I was doing. I turned around to see the exterior door shut behind all of us.
“NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!” I screamed. “And this is all your fault!!!!!” I yelled at Exley. Jack started to cry. Hysterically. “Are we stuck here forever? Are we ever going to get in? What’s going to happen to us????”
I had to gather myself and reassure him that everything was fine. Like usual I had to get control of my emotions and put them all into perspective for him. It wasn’t the end of the world, but I sure as hell wanted to hang onto the rage as long as I could! But Jack needed me to chill out. So I did.
I tried some picking of the lock with a stick. I could see our stuff in the hallway and the cats emerging from the door wondering how they got so lucky this time. Then I went to the neighbor’s house and we all chatted about what to do. Finally I called my husband at work to come home.
Jack said, “Mommy this was really your fault because I told you I would get Exley. You didn’t need to come out.”
He’s right.
We ended up going to the beach and having a good time. Later he was doing art at the table and brought me 3 different papers. One was me in a heart and it said, “From Jack.” He handed it to me and said, “It means I love you.” Then a few minutes later he handed me another one with he and I both in a heart and it said, “I love you, From Jack.” Again he told me, “It’s because I love you.” And a few minutes later he hands me another one that says, “Thank you for everything mommy, From Jack.” And said, “I love you so much mommy.”
Truth be told I knew what each was going to say before he gave them to me because I had to spell the words for him.
I feel like I lose my shit 10 times a day, but I guess somewhere I sneak in a lot of “I love you’s” too.
