By Krista Gray, IBCLC
I have spent the majority of the past ten years living overseas. Since my oldest child is just turning eight, you can imagine the culture shock I’ve experienced since returning to the states at the end of last year. There is no area this shock is more pronounced than in my views of parenting – I am a huge breastfeeding and baby wearing fan – and no place I feel more discriminated in than the church itself. As an International Board Certified Lactation Consultant and mom who has had (and breastfed) four babies overseas, I am secure in who I am and can withstand the comments, stares, and outright glares. But my heart goes out to all the new moms who experience, on a daily basis, the incredible underlying pressure that is heaped on them when it comes to breastfeeding in public.
Let me say this outright – I am a passionate follower of Jesus Christ. But gently nurturing and parenting your child through breastfeeding in public – at church even – is not contradictory to the Bible. It drives me crazy that many churches put up more (nursing in public) breastfeeding barriers than anywhere else. It may be filled with breastfeeding moms, but they are encouraged to be “modest” and go to a special room – (we’re told because they will be more comfortable) rather than continue to worship in the service with everyone else. Mothers who bottle feed are welcome though. We’re told it makes others feel uncomfortable…and the teens…oh we definitely would not want our teenagers to know that a mother is using her breasts for what they were designed for! We’re told it may cause a visual image in a man’s mind that he will never be able to rid himself of. (Does anyone know of a breastfeeding mom flashing herself in church…ever?!) So new moms cover and receive glares, leave the service, desperately try to get their little one to nurse beforehand, try to pump a bottle, or miss church entirely so that others won’t feel uncomfortable. For the record, I am all about not being a stumbling block for someone else in their faith but this is not one of the times I feel this argument is valid. Let’s think about it this way:
1. Boobs were made for nursing babies. This is normal. This is His design. He doesn’t think nursing is immodest.
2. By making moms uncomfortable enough they feel they mustn’t tend to their babies’ needs in a service we are putting an adult’s [wrong] thoughts about breastfeeding above a baby’s God-designed need for breastfeeding. We are putting up barriers to a mother’s God-designed parenting through breastfeeding; and we are making a statement that the presence of the person offended by the most natural thing on earth is more important than a mother tending to the most primordial need of her baby.
3. Teens NEED to see this. That way they can learn that boobs are for breastfeeding and not sexual perversion. (And when I say “need to see this” I’m really saying, “Need to know a mom is nursing” because, let’s face it, moms are not showing anything for them to see!) If we want to change a culture’s perception of something you start with the youth not the adults. Same for breastfeeding; the more children see it the more natural and normal the idea will become.
4. Churches can have all kinds of social events around sugary desserts, cheap hot dogs, and complete junk food given to children and youth (seems to be an essential component)…which perpetuates people inside the church being just as unhealthy and not taking care of their bodies like the rest of society. But give a baby breast milk at the breast…a mom is vilified. What would happen if those within the church took care of their bodies and were healthier than the general public? Would this alone not be a testimony? Where does health and nutrition begin? Absolutely, hands down, without hesitation through breastfeeding!
5. The Bible talks about breastfeeding. It is not taboo. Jesus was breastfed. Samuel was breastfed. Moses was breastfed. For a long time. He wasn’t weaned at 12 months either. (I just did a simple Logos search for the word “nursing” and effortlessly brought up over 20 references related to breastfeeding.)
And what about the issue of saying moms can nurse but they must cover? Relegating a mother to be required to cover is like saying she can’t nurse at all. Let me start by saying this: if someone is more comfortable with a cover then please use one…there is nothing at all wrong with that. But there are many mothers and babies where a cover just creates another barrier that makes nursing harder – if not impossible. Let’s face it, there are ways to nurse in public that are more or less modest. I have no problem with saying that there are public places (churches included) where one should try to nurse with modesty…but these are places I would advocate dressing more modestly as well. (Wear clothes that don’t leave you feeling naked and don’t sit front and center where everyone must look at you in order to see the worship leader for example.)
It’s never going to be normal until the majority are doing it. If you are uncomfortable with a mom nursing in church…please use this as food for thought.
Krista Gray is an International Board Certified Lactation Consultant (IBCLC), La Leche League Leader, and mother of four breastfed children, including preemie twins. She has a Private Practice for Lactation in the upstate of South Carolina as well as around the world via Skype and FaceTime. At Nursing Nurture Krista shares research-based information and experience to help moms in their breastfeeding journeys. You can also connect with Krista on Twitter {@nursingnurture} and on Facebook {fb.com/nursingnurture}.
