{"id":1882,"date":"2014-05-07T16:41:03","date_gmt":"2014-05-07T16:41:03","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/thebadassbreastfeeder.com\/?p=1882"},"modified":"2015-05-01T23:15:30","modified_gmt":"2015-05-01T23:15:30","slug":"let-it-go","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thebadassbreastfeeder.com\/?p=1882","title":{"rendered":"Let It Go"},"content":{"rendered":"

I\u2019ve probably uttered this phrase 7 million times in my life. Someone pissed me off, hurt my feelings, bruised my ego, or whatever and I said to myself \u201cI\u2019m just going to let that go.\u201d Then I turned to walk away and stewed on the situation for days on end, repeating it in my head, imaging up various outcomes. \u00a0They didn\u2019t know that I was bothered so I figured I had \u201cwon.\u201d But did I really ever let it go? Have I at age 37 ever let anything<\/i> go?<\/p>\n

With baby number 2 on the way I have come to realize that I simply do not have time or energy to hang onto everything that I hang onto. I simply cannot welcome my baby into my arms when I am holding all this garbage. I\u2019ve struggled with Jack. I\u2019ve struggled to balance the shit I hold onto and parenting him the way I want to. It has left me often disengaged and short-tempered. I cannot risk walking any further down this road with a new baby. I\u2019ve had a newborn. I know what I\u2019m in for.<\/p>\n

\"let<\/a><\/p>\n

I\u2019ve started to explore this concept of letting things go. I realize now that I never really let anything go. That no matter what other people perceived I was holding onto everything.<\/i> And much of the time I wasn\u2019t even trying<\/i> to let things go. I have spent countless hours of my life power-struggling, going tit for tat, stewing in my mind, going in circles in my mind about stuff… I wasn\u2019t \u201cwinning\u201d anything. I was bogging myself down with negativity and resentments.<\/p>\n

All this before I even had Jack. When Jack came along this just amplified. You can spend your whole day power struggling with a toddler if you want. You won\u2019t ever win. They don\u2019t get it. They don\u2019t know there is a battle going on. They are just being true to their developmental stage. And with the journey toward gentler parenting came a public life on social media. Thousands of people to power struggle with!<\/p>\n

I have not mastered this concept yet, however, I have felt the effects and I\u2019m hooked. Recently a situation arose where I knew I was in for a long battle. It was with another adult. I could feel my anxiety rise. I don\u2019t know what made me come to this thought, but I said to myself \u201cwhat if I just let this go? Like really let it go? Like just walked away and didn\u2019t say anymore, think anymore, do anything more about it?\u201d It was sort of big situation so it was a big decision. I felt instant relief. I talked with my husband who agreed this situation could be resolved this way. And I Let. It. Go.<\/i> I immediately started to refocus my attention onto something else. I felt weight lifting off of my shoulders. I felt\u2026 happier.<\/i><\/p>\n

\"keep-calm-and-let-it-go-26\"<\/a><\/p>\n

This situation involved a big project so I started a new one. If I didn\u2019t have time to do that then maybe I would have whisked Jack out back for playtime in the sandbox. In the smaller moments where I want to let something go I try to put on some music, get Jack involved in some other game, do my crossword puzzle, message a friend, anything to move past the moment and into a new one. I am not a Zen Master so I have not \u201cmastered\u201d this technique. I do have moments where situations will creep back into my mind, but I quickly remind myself that I have already decided how to proceed with this and that I am moving onto something else.<\/p>\n

Yes, it is easier said than done. I want to explain more about how this happened for me, but I don\u2019t know if I am a talented enough writer to do that. I will say that this does not come naturally to me. I\u2019m a fighter. I have had to make a clear and conscious decision to do this. It\u2019s like I saw a door open and ran through it. I had to have a quick, quiet moment with myself where I really, truly, genuinely decided that this is what I really wanted.<\/i> Maybe that\u2019s it. I just really wanted<\/i> it. I\u2019m sure it has a lot to do with my life circumstances as well. There is more urgency for me right now to drop the extra garbage. Whatever the reason I want you to know with all certainty I felt something I had never felt before in my entire life. Real relief, empowerment and strength. I was never winning in these situations before. Now I\u2019m winning!<\/p>\n

Abby Theuring, MSW
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