I remember when my first child was a newborn.\u00a0 Like most sleep deprived parents, I googled stuff about infant sleep.\u00a0 Was he getting enough sleep?\u00a0 When would he sleep longer stretches?\u00a0 Was there anything I needed to do to make things better?\u00a0 Basically, would I<\/em> ever sleep again, and if so, when and how?<\/p>\n Every single website that came up said I was doing it all wrong.\u00a0 By nursing him to sleep (even at just a few weeks old) I was creating a bad habit.\u00a0 They said he would never learn how to “self-soothe,” fall asleep on his own, or sleep through the night (because I was — gasp — nursing him every time he stirred, to comfort him, not just to “feed” him).\u00a0 I was supposed to put him down “drowsy but awake” and then he was supposed to figure out how to fall asleep himself.\u00a0 This might involve some crying or fussing, but I was supposed to \u201ctough it out\u201d for the sake of fostering \u201cgood sleep habits\u201d in my baby.<\/p>\n I spent about an hour freaking out about this.\u00a0 I knew I would never do any of it.\u00a0 I was brought up with a family bed, and parents who taught me that children need comfort at night as well as during the day.\u00a0 I had fond memories of falling asleep in the big bed with my mom and sister.\u00a0 But as a sleep deprived new mom, I was pretty concerned about this being the only solution out there for me to get some much needed sleep.<\/p>\n I somehow slogged through the first few months, listening to my instincts and continuing to nurse him on demand, both day and night.\u00a0 By six months or so, we had a good routine going.\u00a0 I would rock and nurse him in the rocking chair, and then bring him to bed.\u00a0 It often took him awhile, but usually he was asleep in thirty minutes.<\/p>\n Of course, some nights were really hard, hours of incessant rocking and nursing to get him to sleep.\u00a0 I would get that itchy, restless feeling in my body.\u00a0 I\u2019d want to jump out of my skin.\u00a0 But my instincts told me that this was what he needed, so I did it.<\/p>\n The frustration was just as quickly replaced with joy: feeling his body give in and fall asleep in my arms, his deep sleep sighs, kissing his dreamy head.\u00a0 I realized (and I continue to realize every day of being a parent) that it was ok for me not to like every minute of it, that it was ok for frustration to exist with joy.\u00a0 Just because you sometimes experience negative feelings about parenting, doesn’t mean you are doing something wrong or need to change anything.<\/p>\n And as for my kid, was I doing harm by never teaching him to “self-soothe” or sleep without nursing?\u00a0 Would he be dependent on me for longer than he was supposed to?\u00a0 Well, it depends on what your definition of “supposed to” is.<\/p>\n I nursed him to sleep till he was about four years old, at which point, he would nurse, and then pop off to cuddle and talk.\u00a0 He weaned from breastfeeding completely at five years old.\u00a0 But even after he weaned, he still wanted me to cuddle with him as he fell asleep.\u00a0 And at seven years old, there\u2019s much less cuddling, but he likes me to stay in the room with him until he\u2019s all the way asleep.<\/p>\n I recently wrote a piece<\/a> on my blog about lying with him until he falls asleep.\u00a0 I was surprised that this was a bit controversial to some people!\u00a0 Commenters and on and offline were concerned that perhaps he was a little too old for such “hand holding” and that the fact that I was expressing any mixed feelings about it meant that I should just cut myself a break and teach him to go to sleep on his own.<\/p>\n Well, it probably goes without saying that what I do with my kids is what works for me and my family and may not work for yours.\u00a0 Really, as long as you are giving love to your kids, whatever that looks like, you are awesome.\u00a0 I admire all kinds of parents, many of whom make different choices than I do.<\/p>\n But a seven year old who still wants mommy to put him to sleep?\u00a0 Crazy?\u00a0 Weird?\u00a0 Not quite right?<\/p>\n How about normal?\u00a0 Do you know that he’s not the only one out there?\u00a0 I know many, many two-year-olds, three-year-olds, four-year-olds, five-year-olds, six-year-olds, and quite a few seven-year-olds who need their parents to put them to sleep sometimes or always.\u00a0 Like extended breastfeeding, it’s just not something readily discussed but it happens all over.<\/p>\n And you know what else?\u00a0 I used to be one!\u00a0 My husband used to be one!\u00a0 We both “weaned” from needing parent help at bedtime in our own time.\u00a0 We both eventually did sleepovers with our friends, went to sleep-away camp, went to college.\u00a0 We’re champion sleepers but we still both prefer to have another warm body to snuggle with as we drift off.<\/p>\n It\u2019s interesting that writing about lying with my seven-year-old until he falls asleep is such a \u201cconfession,\u201d because, when you think about it, is there anything more normal and natural sounding than that?\u00a0 We just lie there and talk.\u00a0 He falls asleep.\u00a0 I leave the room and eat a sandwich.\u00a0 It\u2019s a funny world we live in.<\/p>\n Do you still parent your toddler or older child to sleep?\u00a0 What works for you and your family?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n ***Wendy Wisner\u00a0is the author of\u00a0two books of poems,\u00a0Morph and Bloom<\/em>\u00a0(2013) and\u00a0Epicenter<\/em>\u00a0(2004),\u00a0as well as a\u00a0chapbook,\u00a0Another Place of Rocking<\/em>\u00a0(2010).\u00a0 Wendy is\u00a0a Board Certified Lactation Consultant (IBCLC) and blogs about breastfeeding, motherhood, and writing at\u00a0www.nursememama.com<\/a>.\u00a0\u00a0She lives in New York with her husband and two sons.<\/p>\n You can find Wendy and her work at the following links:<\/p>\n http:\/\/www.wendywisner.com\/books.html<\/a><\/p>\n https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/morphandbloom<\/a><\/p>\n http:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Morph-Bloom-Wendy-Wisner\/dp\/1625490410\/<\/a><\/p>\n![\"adrhy\"](\"https:\/\/thebadassbreastfeeder.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/08\/adrhy.jpg\")
<\/a>My big boy and me.<\/em><\/p>\n<\/a>Our awesome famiy bed (and our little guy napping).\u00a0 My older son has a bed in our bedroom and in his own room.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n