By Anonymous<\/p>\n
How did I end up here? Sitting a car next to a person who months before told me he loved me and I was his soul mate as we made mad passionate love. That mad passionate love that resulted in a child to be conceived and now I\u2019m hearing the words \u201cAdoption is best for this child\u201d from the man who claimed to love me.<\/p>\n
Except as an adoptee myself.. Adoption was never an option. It wasn\u2019t even to be thought about and he knew this. The man that claimed his love for me knew this from the get go and yet here he is trying to explain why it was best.<\/p>\n
For the fly listening to this conversation on the car door, one may have thought just a much stressed couple trying to figure out their options. Except there was more to that.\u00a0 I a mom going through divorce to had rekindled a romance with an old friend. He at the time was what I thought to be a single dad who was pretty successful.<\/p>\n
\u201cAt the time\u201d are the key words.. Because 2 months after telling him I was expecting he decided to tell me the kids mom was never dead.. She was alive and well and had been that way through their 15 years of marriage.<\/p>\n
My world came crashing down. I was the other woman, I was the whore, slut, the mistress.. that I have heard the friends who husbands had cheated on them.<\/p>\n
I was that bitch.<\/p>\n
How did I not know the signs..<\/p>\n
Yet fast forward back to the conversation in the car\u2026 and he had already decided for both of us that adoption would be the ok thing to do. He had made this decision and ignored every protest I had against it.<\/p>\n
With built up frustration and pent up anger. I yelled. I screamed. I cried.<\/p>\n
I yelled \u201cHow could you not listen to me? How do you think adoption is the magical option and every one would be ok? How can you still support such an idea knowing the day my child is born a price would have been put on their head from birth and they would not be worth as much as if they were a non-mixed child but a white child?\u201d \u201cHow can you even think about denying me the birth right to being my child\u2019s mother?\u201d<\/p>\n
Yet my yelling went un heard\u2026 his privilege had did the blocking.<\/p>\n
I cried the tears of knowing if I made such choice I would only continue the cycle that my mother had started for me. I cried the tears of not knowing what could have been, not knowing exactly who I was. I cried the tears that I did not cry when told growing up my mother did not want me, that\u2019s why she gave me up. That I was lucky to have found a family. That I was nothing without the family who adopted me\u201d<\/p>\n
He told me \u2026 \u201c You are strong you will be fine after a few months\u201d, \u201c You are going through a divorce how do you think you will take care of another child?\u201d \u201cThis child would have two parents in a loving home\u201d<\/p>\n
Yet the blow\u2026 \u201cMy friend was adopted when eight and he turned out fine\u201d<\/p>\n
Though let\u2019s forget your friend had a say, lets also forget your friend was adopted by his stepfather.. he still had his birth mother.<\/p>\n
I sat in that car feeling defeated.<\/p>\n
Not only was I that bitch, the mistress, the slut, the whore<\/p>\n
I would also now be a single mom, a terrifying thought.<\/p>\n
I would now have to choose do I ask this man for financial support.. knowing that once I do it opens the door for a custody battle for a child that he from the beginning never wanted.<\/p>\n
OR not having that outlet to openly talk to friends about my situation, in fear of rejection judgment, and negative thoughts.<\/p>\n
I slap a smile on my face and no one would guess what was going on.
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