![\"Abby](\"https:\/\/thebadassbreastfeeder.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/05\/IMG_1131.jpg\")
<\/a><\/p>\nSince the moment my first son, Jack, was born I felt anxious. Even before he was born my husband and I focused on books, how to get him to sleep, how to manage, how to get by. He wasn\u2019t even here yet! When he did come we followed through with our plans and were anxious most of the time. What is wrong with him? Are we doing this right? Are we screwing him up? Oh my god, he fell down! Oh my god, he made a weird noise! IS HE BREATHING????<\/em><\/p>\n Holy moly, we were scared. He got a bit bigger and he was able to tell us what was going on. Which made it a bit easier, but we had already developed this relationship with him. On some level I think it\u2019s normal for a first born. On another level I think my husband and I are both anxious people with a flair for the dramatic. Jack is a sensitive guy, cautious, a bit nervous. Hmm, connect the dots much?<\/p>\n I don\u2019t need a lecture on how our emotional state will affect our children. We get it. We really do. It\u2019s not like we enjoy being anxious and helping our already sensitive boy develop anxiety about his world. No, we dislike that and we battle it all the time. We talk about it all the time. We try to grow and learn and help Jack all the time. Help ourselves. All the time.<\/p>\n Photo courtesy of Tiny Bubbles Family Photography<\/a><\/i><\/p>\n When our second son, Exley, was born we were totally into the whole \u201ceasier\u201d thing. We had been sucker-punched by parenthood; Jack threw us for a loop. We were really excited to embrace this easier thing. And when Exley was born in the most beautiful and dramatic fashion in our living room the way we had been dreaming for far longer than I was pregnant with him, it seemed\u2026 better.<\/p>\n And then Jack, our sensitive and anxious boy reacted with the anxiety and sensitivity that we expected. We worked it out, we stuck with him, we held him, carried him, cried with him, stayed up late with him. We still walk him through this major transition. We realize now that Jack has always had our undivided attention. We have always talked about feelings, validated his feelings, left it open for him to express his feelings, modeled the feeling of big feelings. And when Exley came, Jack had many of these big feelings, and we were anxious about it. We listened too, but it\u2019s harder to listen, to give that full attention when another baby comes. The baby has needs too. And now here we were balancing the needs of 2 children. The needs of all us. The anxiety of all of us.<\/p>\n A few weeks ago we went to the park. Jack and my husband went to the playground, Exley and I lied on a blanket. A few minutes later I hear Jack crying and I see my husband rushing toward me holding Jack. My heart shot into my throat. Oh my god, what happened? Is he OK? Is he\u2026? I rushed toward Jack, stopped, looked back at Exley, moved back toward Exley, moved toward Jack, back and forth until my husband had reached me with Jack. Jack had fallen from one of the climbing structures. My husband was a bit shaken so I guessed it was pretty high up. I calmed Jack down. I nursed him. He was obviously OK, he was crying. Not unconscious. I was not able to immediately connect with the rational part of my brain. I took note of my extreme reaction to hearing him cry.<\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n