{"id":3682,"date":"2015-06-16T22:38:12","date_gmt":"2015-06-16T22:38:12","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/thebadassbreastfeeder.com\/?p=3682"},"modified":"2016-06-08T02:48:21","modified_gmt":"2016-06-08T02:48:21","slug":"a-book-review-of-benchwarmer-a-sports-obsessed-memoir-of-fatherhood","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thebadassbreastfeeder.com\/?p=3682","title":{"rendered":"A Book Review of Benchwarmer: A Sports-Obsessed Memoir of Fatherhood"},"content":{"rendered":"

By Andy Malinski
\n\"Benchwarmer:<\/a><\/p>\n

My dad owns a baseball signed by a man named Carlton Fisk\u2014once a catcher for the Boston Red Sox.\u00a0 But it\u2019s not his affiliation with the Red Sox which caused my dad to make this purchase\u2014after all, my dad is a life-long Yankees fan, so such a piece of memorabilia treads toward sacrilegious.\u00a0 He has this ball because, as young boys, my dad and Mr. Fisk played sandlot ball together in Vermont.<\/p>\n

Unfortunately, my connection to this memorabilia ends there.\u00a0 See\u2014although I highly enjoy taking in a ball game and can still remember Andy Moog as goalie for the Boston Bruins at the original Boston Garden, as well as a love for many sports-related movies from Angels in the Outfield<\/em> to For Love of the Game<\/em>, I am not a sports person.\u00a0 I don\u2019t follow any teams or players.\u00a0 While the rest of the state of Colorado is enwrapped in Broncos fever\u2014truly year-round\u2014my only excitement in them clinching a win means I get a free donut the next day at the local grocery store.<\/p>\n

Maybe it\u2019s because my history with sports on a personal level is rather dark.\u00a0 In 6th<\/sup> grade, despite practices already having begun, my dad told me to go to the coach and ask to be part of the basketball team.\u00a0 I remember very little about it except that, as a big guy (weight-big as well as height-big), it was excruciating.\u00a0 From having to run Suicides to not knowing \u201cthe top of the key\u201d from mid-court, I was way out of my element.<\/p>\n

In junior high, during a special day-out at the local ballpark with schoolmates, I was\u2014for whatever reason\u2014stopped while grabbing a drink and asked by an official-looking man if I wanted to be a bat boy that day\u2026for the team that THE Michael Jordan was playing for<\/em>.\u00a0 I jumped at the chance, not knowing what to expect.\u00a0 Again, I remember very little except for lots of running and a lot<\/em> of expletive-laced, colorful conversation amongst players.\u00a0 And then there was Mr. Jordan, who made the following comment to me after I ran back to the dugout, sweaty and out of breath: \u201cSit down, kid, before you lose all those pounds you\u2019ve gained.\u201d<\/p>\n

In 9th<\/sup> grade, because of my height and size, I was asked repeatedly by the football coach to come out for the team.\u00a0 I politely turned them all down, but not so much because I knew nothing about football nor shared any enthusiasm for it, but rather because I had much better plans for my time: band.\u00a0 Choir.\u00a0 Drama club.\u00a0 Being my size and not<\/em> wanting to be a part of the team turned me into a long-running rumor\u2014that, because of this, I must be gay.<\/p>\n

So, all-in-all, my experience, on a personal level with sports has been one of little fanfare and fandom.<\/p>\n

Enter Josh Wilker\u2019s Benchwarmer<\/em>.<\/p>\n

The book, written in the form of a sports encyclopedia intertwined with the memories of a first-time father is, in a word, exceptional.\u00a0 Epic.\u00a0 Eerie.\u00a0 Eerie because despite the myriad of references to sports figures ranging from the obscure to the legendary, it was like reading my own story as a father.\u00a0 The want to be \u201cdiscovered\u201d and become someone great only to feel passed over and left with the remnants of a dream.\u00a0 Feeling like a nobody with no way out but through, with all odds seemingly stacked against me.\u00a0 Enduring what seems to be an endless string of losses and wondering if I was meant to do this at all.\u00a0 The want to be the \u201cNext Ryan Leaf,\u201d gone, removed, left alone to simply \u201cbe.\u201d\u00a0 All of these instances are told through the stories of sports figures, great and small, relating them\u2014fluidly, if not effortlessly\u2014to experiences as a new father.<\/p>\n

While women\u2014my own wife, included\u2014have their support groups, their online forums, their friends and colleagues with whom to commiserate about parenthood and all its triumphs and tribulations, it has been my experience as a father that support is, quite honestly, very little.\u00a0 I\u2019ve asked my wife if kids are discussed at the various Moms Night Out events her friends schedule to which she replies, \u201cOf course!\u201d\u00a0 Even at mixed gatherings we attend, where both moms and dads are present, the dads are often found discussing work or building the new deck or sports.<\/p>\n

Sports.<\/p>\n

In this manner, being a language spoken by so many men\u2014so many fathers\u2014Benchwarmer<\/em> speaks volumes.\u00a0 It has the ability to connect, even to a man who doesn\u2019t follow sports.\u00a0 Men do not often stand around discussing their failures as fathers\u2014but they do discuss sports.\u00a0 Josh Wilker takes the language of parenthood and turns it into something recognizable.\u00a0 Tangible.\u00a0 Understandable<\/em>.<\/p>\n

At the same time, Josh Wilker\u2019s memoir may come across to some as dark, depressing, or even brooding.\u00a0 Various mentions of self-loathing riddle the pages.\u00a0 Wanting to leave it all behind finds its way into many memories.\u00a0 The thing about this is it is honest<\/em>.\u00a0 It\u2019s real.\u00a0 As a parent of two, I have known, first-hand, the struggles that come with parenthood: the late nights, the sleepless ones, the fights, the yearning for\u2014but lack of\u2014slowness and intimacy.\u00a0 These are raw<\/em> accounts, but they are real.\u00a0 They are–like the sports metaphors used to bring them alive\u2014relatable, recognizable events.\u00a0 This is of the utmost importance because, again, the ups and downs of parenthood are not often discussed by fathers.\u00a0 So while it may not be a co-worker or best friend (and, hopefully, relatable fellow father) on the adjoining bar stool, Wilker\u2019s book becomes the listening ear and the advising friend many dads want, even need, but\u2014for whatever reason\u2014don\u2019t have at hand.<\/p>\n

In the movie City Slickers<\/em>, the character Phil is discussing baseball with his buddies.\u00a0 The sole woman on the cattle drive explains that she doesn\u2019t understand how men can talk ad nauseum<\/em> about baseball; that, although she likes baseball, doesn\u2019t get how, or why, men keep stats and follow players who may not even still play the game whereas, when with her girlfriends, they discuss \u201creal<\/em> life.\u201d\u00a0 Mitch says the following:<\/p>\n

You\u2019re right I suppose, I mean, I guess it is childish. But when I was about 18 and my dad and I couldn\u2019t communicate about anything at all, we could still talk about baseball. Now that \u2013 that was real.<\/em><\/p>\n

A month ago, at the local thrift store, I found a Yankees sweatshirt.\u00a0 It\u2019s a little smaller than I\u2019d like, but I bought it.\u00a0 I wore it to show my dad.\u00a0 It is, in many ways, an \u201cI\u2019m sorry.\u201d\u00a0 I\u2019m sorry I didn\u2019t play much ball like you did.\u00a0 I\u2019m sorry I played that one season of basketball and never gave returning to it a single thought.\u00a0 More so, it\u2019s a thank you; an I love you.\u00a0 Not that those three words aren\u2019t spoken between us\u2014they are, quite often!\u00a0 But wearing a shirt that exclaims the name of his beloved team, even when I\u2019m not the sports follower he is and always has been is, in many ways, like Josh Wilker\u2019s extraordinary tome, speaking a special language.\u00a0 It is something which, to the casual observer, seems like nothing at all but, between us, means everything.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"Andy\"<\/a>Andy Malinski is a writer and speaker from Northern Colorado. Inspired by the home birth of his son (which also included a midwife and birth doula), he created The Dadvocate<\/a> in 2014 to help dads (and moms) be educated and informed about the many decisions and dynamic changes that come with pregnancy and birth, all the while using humor and raw insight to show the birth world and parenthood from a dad\u2019s point of view. His articles have appeared in such online blogs as the national publication Macaroni Kid and the San Francisco-based Doula Spot, a group for which he acts as co-editor. His inaugural article, “A Man\u2019s Guide To Doulas: Why She Wants One & Why You Should Too” has been viewed and shared via social media over 8000 times, world-wide.<\/em>
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