{"id":3784,"date":"2015-08-25T02:16:14","date_gmt":"2015-08-25T02:16:14","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/thebadassbreastfeeder.com\/?p=3784"},"modified":"2015-08-25T02:24:48","modified_gmt":"2015-08-25T02:24:48","slug":"in-attachment-parenting-there-are-no-fathers-of-the-year","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thebadassbreastfeeder.com\/?p=3784","title":{"rendered":"In Attachment Parenting There Are No Fathers of the Year"},"content":{"rendered":"

<\/del>There are some GREAT dads out there. My husband is one of them. But when it comes to Smugtachment Parenting, there is no time for bullshit. When baby first comes -for a moment-\u00a0 it is understandable. We are all adjusting to being a parent at first. But as time goes on, I call BS. If you want to play in the big leagues (Smugtachment Parenting) then you better be ready to operate on cylinders you didn\u2019t even know you had. We are not going to settle for less than perfect around here, or you better believe you\u2019ll have a not-so-gentle whisper lecture coming your way in the family bed later!<\/p>\n

Here\u2019s an example:<\/p>\n

Small giblet trips and falls, starts crying. \u201cWahhhhhhh!!! Mommmmmmmyyyyyy!!!\u201d<\/p>\n

Silly (Dummy) Dad says: \u201cKaboom – oopsy! Uhh\u2026 Want daddy to show you what happened?\u201d<\/p>\n

Teary- eyed child wipes snotty nose and sniffles \u201cYeah, daddy do\u201d.<\/p>\n

Dummy Daddy demonstrates the fall with over-exaggerated motions, sad baby starts to giggle, daddy gives himself an inward high-five! I\u2019m such a good dad<\/em>, he thinks smugly to himself, I\u2019m so involved and he\u2019s so happy with me. <\/em><\/p>\n

Uh-oh. No no, Dummy Daddy. That was not a win, that was a fail. (And by the way, that\u2019s the wrong kind of Smug. You\u2019re all confused and this has been explained to you so many times!) You messed up, and in perfectly-perfect world, you messed up big.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t spend all day in time-consuming limit setting and inward pep talks about how the crying is good, the crying is goooooood, just to have you arrive on the scene and squander- WASTE! – a perfect opportunity for a big cry.\u00a0 An injury! Perfect! They are going to cry anyway! Let\u2019s segway this sucker into something epic. Let\u2019s make strides in the areas of emotional intelligence, confidence, and attachment to other humans! They would have shed off the stress of the day, sob by sob, melted into a puddle of blissful sleep that night…but instead they gobbled it all back up in 3 little cute giggles. Slurp! hee hee! All back inside my tum tum now! All because you didn\u2019t have the balls, the brains, the memory, the learning capacity, to just go with it. Integrate the things we talk about.\u00a0 I\u2019ll say it – lazy, selfish move Dummy Daddy. You\u2019re better than that.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t have time to be a gentle parent to the father of the child whom I am parenting gently. His parents did it their way, and I suppose it wasn\u2019t half bad if I agreed to marry the guy! But now we\u2019re on to bigger and better things and I don\u2019t have the time to explain how it works again and again in Dummy Daddy language.\u00a0 So DD: if you think you are getting a Father of the Year award by sticking to basics like being around a lot, being super sweet and calm, helping with bedtime, leaving late in the morning, coming home early in the evening, doing dishes, laundry, paying bills, complimenting my mothering, not guilting me about sex, and reading articles that I send you during your workday, you have got another thing coming! I expect nothing less than perfection, and what do I call that balls-less move where you didn\u2019t let our child cry but instead distracted him back into having fun? Less than perfect. In Smugdom there is only pass\/fail, but tomorrow is another day – after all, we wouldn\u2019t want to compromise the family unit.<\/p>\n

\"Smug<\/a>A stay at home mom by day, a classical singer by night,\u00a0Rebecca\u00a0started the blog Smug Mommy as something fun to do to release some of the built up tension.\u00a0 She ended up accidentally practicing most of the principles found in the parenting philosophy called Attachment Parenting, but has often struggled with how seriously it takes itself.\u00a0 Smug Mommy is a resource for parents who dabble in the Smug idea that this way of parenting is the bomb.\u00a0\u00a0Rebecca\u00a0thinks it is, but likes to roll her eyes about it.\u00a0\u00a0Rebecca\u00a0enjoys one hour a day after babe\u2019s bedtime to drink wine, peruse Facebook for parenting drama, and on Monday she watches The Bachelor.<\/p>\n

***Find more from Smug Mommy on her website<\/a> and Facebook<\/a>.<\/p>\n

 
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