{"id":3893,"date":"2015-09-22T22:44:27","date_gmt":"2015-09-22T22:44:27","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/thebadassbreastfeeder.com\/?p=3893"},"modified":"2015-09-22T22:44:27","modified_gmt":"2015-09-22T22:44:27","slug":"it-was-her-right-to-eat-by-guest-blogger-paola","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thebadassbreastfeeder.com\/?p=3893","title":{"rendered":"IT WAS HER RIGHT TO EAT by guest blogger Paola"},"content":{"rendered":"

My name is Paola and I’m 26. I’m a single mother to my two year old,\u00a0 Daenerys. We have been nursing since she was three days old and when I saw your post today on Instagram about nursing in public, I felt really excited about that. I do have a blog on Tumblr but I thought I’d write something new about it rather than send you a link to something old. My feelings about it are different now that we’ve done this so long.<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

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Before I begin about our journey to nursing in public, I think it’s important to note how we started. Daenerys was born with the cord round her neck and they swiftly pried her away to the NICU. A nurse wrongfully recorded she had gone five minutes without breathing and I met my baby two hours after she was born. She had tubes everywhere and I couldn’t hold her.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

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A lactation consultant came to encourage me to pump but I was so hurt, I pushed it off. I felt like a failure and didn’t want to fail at feeding her too.<\/span><\/p>\n

The following day, I held her for the first time (it was sad and wonderful since it was limited contact) but when she began to look for my breast- they took her from me. She wasn’t allowed to eat until further tests were done. She was being given sugar water. I returned to my room and began to pump, determined to make sure she drank my milk on her first “meal”.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

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From\u00a0<\/span>Wednesday<\/span><\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span>morning until\u00a0<\/span>Thursday<\/span><\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span>afternoon, I pumped every two hours. I woke myself up at night to pump. I sent the milk down to NICU, no matter how much came down.Thursday<\/span><\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span>evening I was finally allowed to nurse her, it was perfect. I continued to pump after that, every two hours when I wasn’t allowed down in the NICU.<\/span><\/p>\n

When we went home, it wasn’t so perfect. No more cheerleaders, no more help with the baby. I developed MRSA in my under arm (bad razor) and mastitis in both breasts. The antibiotics for both caused cysts in my breasts after completing their cycles.<\/span><\/p>\n

Daenerys ripped my right nipple in half and tore the skin off the left ; she had a shallow latch and I had inverted nipples but I wouldn’t know that until much after. Pumping was so stressful and I avoided nursing her over giving her a bottle of pumped milk when I could.<\/span><\/p>\n

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I spent a lot of time in and out of the doctor’s office and laboratories. I would panic when she became hungry in public. I would make her a bottle of formula when my pumped milk ran out. She hated formula as did her tummy.\u00a0 I felt embarrassed and lost, and oddly,\u00a0 alone.<\/span><\/p>\n

The first attempts at nursing in public, I covered up. I felt ashamed because I had once been that person judging moms who did not cover. How dare I not cover? Did my new awareness absolve me of my past ignorance?<\/span><\/p>\n

Well, Daenerys hated being covered and in Florida summer heat, I had to stop covering. I hid in a bathroom once, never again, but I did (there was air-conditioning). I would find the most secluded areas I could, wasting precious time in the process. I got engorged a lot in those days. Leaked through many, many shirts.<\/span><\/p>\n

I tried the two shirt thing to hide my belly when I lifted the top shirt. I used the stroller as a barrier for me to feel hidden away. I even sat on a sidewalk, away from strangers on a bench.<\/span><\/p>\n

Why was it such a big deal?<\/span><\/p>\n

\"oiuytfdx\"<\/a><\/p>\n

I went to the mall when Dany was a few months old and she was hungry. I found a sitting area outside of Macy’s and we nursed there. My child was hungry, it was her right to eat. I was nervous and worried, but to my surprise NO ONE CARED. When I realized this, I sat up straight and struck up conversation with my friends. I pushed the stroller away and it was as if it finally all made sense. This was normal.<\/span><\/p>\n

So I finally had my excuse to nurse her anywhere and everywhere; my child is hungry so deal with it.\u00a0 Family gatherings, shopping trips, park trips, in the Ergo while shopping at Walmart. It was just so casual that I noticed my family growing to accept it. It created openings to discuss breastfeeding and the natural purpose of the breast. It created a small group of people who supported me and encouraged me. I found community online through the mommies on Tumblr who also nursed passed infancy. It was amazing.<\/span><\/p>\n

Dany was close to a year old when we nursed at the beach, in the water on a low tide. It was the most serene moment besides the first time that I still hold that memory to heart. I felt like a goddess nursing a little god in our natural environment. I felt so close to my child and to nature, I still can’t explain it. But I realized then how nursing, especially in public, gave me agency over my body. To reclaim the way I showed myself to the world.\u00a0 That no matter my weight and what I wore, I was free. I could feed my baby, yes that was most important, but I was choosing to do so.<\/span><\/p>\n

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I’ve been used and abused and had control taken from me long before I ever thought about having a child. Being a mother made me see myself again as a person. Nursing, especially in public, strengthened me and to this day, I’m so proud of how far we’ve come. How far I have come.<\/span><\/p>\n

Nursing is tiring business but boy would I never change the choice to do this. It took a long time to acheive, we still have our struggles now but none of them are when nursing in public. She seems rather amused by that, actually.<\/span><\/p>\n

Nursing in public has been everything from the greatest of worries to becoming something I look forward to. It’s grounding and calm, it’s like a moment for us two away from the hustle and bustle of everyday life. It doesn’t happen as much as it used to but it’s still just as important and special.<\/span><\/p>\n