{"id":4580,"date":"2017-08-08T22:08:08","date_gmt":"2017-08-08T22:08:08","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/thebadassbreastfeeder.com\/?p=4580"},"modified":"2017-08-08T22:08:08","modified_gmt":"2017-08-08T22:08:08","slug":"nursing-public-narcissistic","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thebadassbreastfeeder.com\/?p=4580","title":{"rendered":"Is Nursing in Public Narcissistic?"},"content":{"rendered":"

If you ask any number of people on the internet the answer to this question is a resounding, \u201cYes!\u201d I mean, \u201cCan\u2019t you use a cover?\u201d \u201cYou should be more modest!\u201d \u201cWomen should be more discreet.\u201d \u201cYou need to do that in the bathroom.\u201d \u201cYou just want attention!\u201d<\/p>\n

I get these comments all the time. I get them on the internet, that is, because no one yet has had the balls to say it to my face even if it\u2019s what they were thinking. I read comments all the time such as, \u201cYou are such an attention whore!\u201d \u201cYou are a narcissistic mother!\u201d \u201cYou are just trying to show off.\u201d \u201cYou just want people to look at you.\u201d<\/p>\n

As a mental health professional I\u2019ll skip the rant about how lay people use clinical terms that they don\u2019t really know the definition of and head straight to the fact that, actually, breastfeeding is in direct opposition with narcissism. Breastfeeding demands that you give your body over to someone else. It makes you put the needs of your baby above your own. It makes you push yourself into uncomfortable situations all the time. Breastfeeding in public comes with a ton of backlash in this country and many breastfeeders refuse to breastfeed in public or feel nervous that someone will harass them. Breastfeeders are usually just hoping no one notices. No one has been all, \u201cPlease look at me! I\u2019m breastfeeding!\u201d Well, actually I did that when I struggled for several months to figure it out, cried every day, thought I was a huge loser and had panics attacks that my body was failing me and my child. Then when things started working out I was all, \u201cLook at me! I\u2019m breastfeeding!\u201d See how that\u2019s different?<\/p>\n

\"Abby<\/p>\n

People don\u2019t really get how hard breastfeeding is; how much work it takes and how much anxiety, fear and sadness that it can bring out. People don\u2019t really get how hard parenting is at all. How much of a transformation that it brings us through when we go from woman\/man to parent. It\u2019s like a whole mind fuck that when we get through it we are so proud and relieved and in love. Until the next thing knocks us down and brings us through a whole new struggle. Maybe your friend had a baby and became all \u201cself-absorbed,\u201d and you got your feelings hurt because suddenly you weren\u2019t the most important person to them anymore. They didn\u2019t call you all the time anymore, come to your house and listen to all of your struggles about being tired and having no time to shower or clean. I\u2019m sorry your friend hurt your feelings. But they were likely crying on the floor covered in poop and vomit and hadn\u2019t showered in 4 days and didn\u2019t know if it was night or day. Stop being so narcissistic and try seeing the shit from their perspective for a second rather than just call us \u201cbreeders,\u201d \u201cnarcissists,\u201d and \u201cself-absorbed.\u201d I can guarantee you no new parent is thinking about themselves!<\/p>\n

Can a breastfeeder be narcissistic? Sure, I guess there are people all over who struggle with this. But a person breastfeeding stands out to you because they are doing something that you don\u2019t usually see. It catches your attention. But then you blame her for catching your own attention<\/em>. See how that\u2019s sort of backwards? And it catches your attention because you are brainwashed with the rest of society that breasts are for sexual purposes only. So you get all offended when you see a person using those breasts for natural and selfless reasons like nourishing and comforting a child. You\u2019re all like, \u201cOmg! Look at her with her boobs hanging out and that child is all sucking on them! How gross and perverted!\u201d But that\u2019s actually a perverted thing to think. So guess who is actually perverted here?<\/p>\n

Breastfeeding in public is not narcissistic or self-centered. It\u2019s actually the opposite. It\u2019s the act of putting a child first, before anyone else, so that child can be well cared for. I will always put my children first because they are children. You are an adult. You can wait, look away, deal with some discomfort, but they can\u2019t. It\u2019s actually indicative of a totally narcissistic society that other people can\u2019t put children\u2019s needs first. Where we can\u2019t just say, \u201cOh that baby is crying or needs his parents right now so I will just show some understanding and allow them the space to do their jobs.\u201d<\/p>\n

You want me to cover up? No way. No one ever told me to cover up before when I put on my push-up bra and pranced around with my tits out. Nope. No one ever told me to cover up when my boobs were all dressed up and looking for attention. Actually, that\u2019s <\/em>when I wanted attention. Not now. No thank you. Just let me sit here and feed my child and smell my new mom body odor and be embarrassed that my hair is a rat\u2019s nest. Just let me feel the fucking sun on my face, maybe it will help with the swelling from not sleeping last night because this baby stayed latched from sun down to sun up. You want me to go to the bathroom? Oh my goodness, please just fuck off. Seriously, I will go ape shit if anyone ever suggests I should breastfeed my child in the shitter. You. You go to the shitter and eat. Problem solved.<\/p>\n

\"Abby<\/p>\n

I share these photos because it helps people figure out breastfeeding, reach their goals and create a community of parents. We all share these photos because we feel proud of the struggles we have overcome. We are proud of our children. We have as much right to share our breastfeeding photos as you have to share your boring food photos.<\/p>\n

We breastfeed in public because we have a right to be in public. Our children have a human right to eat and be comforted wherever they are. It would be really nice if you could for once lend me a hand, pass me my water bottle, pick up the fork my baby just threw to the floor or just turn your head and mind your own fucking business just as I do when I see sweaty butt cracks or twisted toes in sandals everyday of goddamned life.
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