A resource to inspire, inform and empower parents.

Breastfeeding is Normal

Abby Theuring, The Badass Breastfeeder, breastfeeding in public, nursing in public

So here, let me explain something.

I think feet are gross. Like I really don’t like to look at feet. Summer comes and I’m all, “UGH, everyone is going to in sandals. Gross!” I really don’t care if you get pedicures or paint your toe nails a pretty color. I don’t like feet and I don’t want to see them.

So guess what? I look away. I simply turn my head and look away. I shut my mouth and don’t look.

I don’t say, “Hey! All you people need to wear boots all year long so that I don’t have to see your feet!” I don’t tell people that they can’t come outside with sandals on. I don’t tell people that they should hang out in dirty places and leave the clean places for only boot-wearing folks.

Get it? Breastfeeding is as normal as feet. If you don’t like it look away. You have no right to tell me to cover up or hide myself away. Shut your mouth and look away.

Breastfeeding, Breasts and Rules

Abby Theuring, The Badass Breastfeeder, tandem nursing

Rules. Man, I hate rules. Most rules are arbitrary; anchored in control and profit. Traffic rules that keep cars flowing and not hitting each other, fine, I get that. But there are some rules that we never question that are simply there to oppress and control people. Some of them are loved so dearly that we made them LAWS. Like laws regarding my nipples. In most places I can get a ticket or even arrested if my nipples are exposed! The “I” in this sentence is important because I am a female and if I were not I would not be able to write that sentence. If I were a male I would not have any laws regarding my nipples. I would not be able to find ANY laws regarding the control of my body. Well, you can piss off with your rules about my body! And what about these other rules that aren’t laws, but they are so ingrained in our culture that we don’t even need them to be laws because the citizens keep them alive through social norms? Like I need to wean my child at a certain age or I need to cover when breastfeeding in public. You can piss off with those too!

Photo by Ivette Ivens

Unsolicited Breastfeeding Comments

Abby Theuring, The Badass Breastfeeder

It’s worn out now, but this shirt used to say, “Human. Kind. Be both.” I think this is a good motto when going about life. I often see comments under breastfeeding posts (especially when the child is beyond infancy) that it’s “disgusting,” “ridiculous” or “inappropriate.” Listen up, these statements are subjective at best and totally insulting. You don’t get to hide behind “Well that’s just my opinion.” It’s not an opinion, it’s an insult. And you can take your insults and shove them. You are welcome to ask questions, we love to answer them and share our experiences. We are moms making decisions for our families just like you. It might not look the same as yours, but that doesn’t matter. And you should be capable of understanding that you are not in charge of anyone’s life but your own. We’ve got this. We promise.

Breastfeed to Sleep

Abby Theuring, The Badass Breastfeeder, breastfeeding her baby to sleep

Breastfeeding your child to sleep is not a bad habit, it will not create sleep problems and it is not spoiling your baby. You are providing a normal and natural way for your child to go to sleep. The suckling motion of nursing relaxes and soothes your child to sleep. Yes, I said “child” because this is not just for babies. Breastfeeding is far from just food. It’s one of those powers that makes you a super hero.

Breastfeeding and Boobs

Abby Theuring, The Badass Breastfeeder, breastfeeding in public

They are just boobs. Boobs in all their glory. Boobs are so awesome people just don’t even know it. They have so many uses. They are incredible! So then why is it that people freak out at the sight of a breastfeeding mother? Even go to such lengths to shield their children’s eyes! Yet we walk around the mall and flip through magazines with magnificent boobs on display and no one blinks.

My theory is that breasts have become so fetishized (as means of controlling women and our bodies) that when people see breastfeeding they see it as a sexual act. And therefore are repulsed by it.

The more we breastfeed in public and the more we question the insanity and the more we confront the dysfunction of society the better chance we have of our children and grandchildren growing up in a saner world.

Breastfeeding Is Your Journey and No One Else’s

Abby Theuring, The Badass Breastfeeder, extended breastfeeding

There is not a single voice that matters in this decision besides you and your child’s. A person wrote to me recently about how she had promised her husband that she would stop breastfeeding by 3 years old. Well, the child is now 3 years old and she does not want to stop breastfeeding, but her husband is pressuring her to stop. I told her that her husband’s opinion will matter when he is the one breastfeeding. Too harsh? No. A breastfeeding relationship belongs to the owner of the breast and the one suckling on said breast. Period.

Comparing Breastfeeding Experiences

Abby Theuring, The Badass Breastfeeder, tandem nursing, tandem breastfeeding

I’m sure you’ve heard about not comparing your child to another child. Every child develops differently and there is no way you can judge your baby’s development based on someone else’s baby.

So why do we do the same thing to ourselves? I have a friend who told me that breastfeeding was no problem for her at all. She never had any struggles and breastfed both of her children until they stopped on their own. It used to make me feel jealous and defensive to hear her talk about breastfeeding.

Then I realized that my journey is just as awesome. It’s different than hers. And it’s different than any other mother’s journey. It has been a roller coaster of emotions and problems from kicking formula supplements, to nursing aversion, to tandem feeding and breastfeeding while pregnant. I don’t see my breastfeeding journey with my boys as “problem free.” And I am proud of that now rather than jealous of others.

I have a unique story with my boys. We all do. No one’s story is more valuable than any other’s. This is one beautiful, crazy, messy life that I am proud to call my own and to share with my boys every day. 

A Co-Sleeping Family of Four

Abby Theuring, The Badass Breastfeeder's co-sleeping family bed

Four heads in this bed. There are 4 heads that lie down to sleep in this bed every night. One of them is mine and the other 3 are the only heads that matter in this world. Before these 3 heads in my bed the night could be very scary. All alone with my thoughts. Growing anxious about work or family or friends. Coldness and loneliness all around. Things always seem worse at night. Now these 3 heads and their warm bodies surround me and protect me from the night. Even when the thoughts start to swarm or my worry about something keeps me up, these heads keep it in perspective. There is nothing bigger in my life than these 3. Nothing that can harm me as long as they are here. Last week something happened that really upset me. I felt scared and vulnerable. But that night I went to bed between these 3. My head was snuggled against 2 other heads that had spilled onto my pillow and this problem suddenly seemed so small. It shrunk in size right before my eyes. How can anything really be that bad or matter that much when I have these guys? I imagine they feel the same, the little ones don’t think of this as clearly as I do, but I know that they feel safe here.

Breastfeeding Feedback

Abby Theuring, The Badass Breastfeeder, breastfeeding advocate

It’s worn out now, but this shirt used to say, “Human. Kind. Be both.” I think this is a good motto when going about life. I often see comments under breastfeeding posts (especially when the child is beyond infancy) that it’s “disgusting,” “ridiculous” or “inappropriate.” Listen up, these statements are subjective at best and totally insulting. You don’t get to hide behind “Well that’s just my opinion.” It’s not an opinion, it’s an insult. And you can take your insults and shove them. You are welcome to ask questions, we love to answer them and share our experiences. We are moms making decisions for our families just like you. It might not look the same as yours, but that doesn’t matter. And you should be capable of understanding that you are not in charge of anyone’s life but your own. We’ve got this. We promise.

 

Breastfeeding Ends, No Need to Rush It

My husband caught this slice of life today at the indoor festival. My littlest son was tired and overwhelmed. He asked to nurse so we sat and had a snack while he had mommy time and dozed off for a nap. My biggest son gave the hot dog a thumbs up. Just a couple years ago my biggest would have done the same thing, sought me out to nurse for comfort. But now he, like all the kids, has adjusted and finds comfort in other ways, like a hot dog or hug or just sitting and resting with the family. He is beautiful living proof that they all stop breastfeeding eventually, that breastfeeding beyond infancy does not cause bad habits or psychological harm and that even if left to breastfeed until they themselves decide to stop it will all happen sooner than you think and go by in a flash. And when the comes it will resemble a punch to the throat. Hold them close, badasses, there’s no need to rush it.

The Badass Breastfeeder, Abby Theuring, breastfeeding in public

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