Here’s a peaceful picture taken this afternoon in Chicago as the snow started to fall. I saw this scene from across the room and immediately took out my phone and was about to put it on my personal Facebook account. But then I stopped. Today was a really bad day. I feel all out of sorts. I was across the room because I couldn’t deal with them close up anymore. I’ve yelled at my kids many times. Exley has thrown several tantrums. Jack has bucked against everything out of my mouth. I feel overwhelmed and broken down. We have these days sometimes. We struggle to get along and flop around like fish out of water. I apologize and try to make right, sometimes I make it worse. When I think I can’t take it anymore the day ends and we wake up new tomorrow. This is just life, but the idea of posting this photo on Facebook today made me feel like a fraud. Like maybe there was going to be someone out there having the same bad day and when they saw this photo it would make them feel more isolated. They might think, “Look at all these families in my newsfeed having pleasant days ands I’m over here crying in the bathroom.” I’d hate for anyone to see this and not know that it was absolute bat-shit crazy chaos in here just moments ago. Remember this when you see perfection on social media. Here’s to all of us who cried in the bathroom today.
Parenting on Social Media
I Hope It Amounts to Something
I feel like we’ve reached a new level of chaos in this house. I’m constantly trying to keep up, make up for mistakes and be a good mom, but the chaos grows faster than I can work. I think back to right after Exley was born. Jack was 3 years old. It was an utter disaster around here. Jack hit the ceiling and I was trying to care for a newborn. But Exley napped. And during those naps I spent time with Jack. We played cards, board games, built things out of cardboard or towers with magna tiles. I know that I have always felt like I wasn’t doing enough, I’ve always felt like the chaos I was in was the biggest chaos that would ever exist in life. But looking back on that time now all I remember are the good times. I probably did a ton of things wrong, but I guess I did some things right too. And looking back it seems like it wasn’t so bad compared to now! Now once again it seems like the chaos is over my head. I feel like I am doing all the things wrong. I hope looking back on this some of the good times will come more into focus. It’s an insanely chaotic string of events and I don’t understand how it can turn out to be anything. I don’t understand how it can amount to anything, but I suppose it does. I hope it does. I hope it’s good.
Photo taken in between the first disastrous part of the day and the second explosive part of the day. This was the only way that they wouldn’t completely meltdown in the museum. I don’t like posting this happy photo because it doesn’t really match what I’m saying and it contributes to all the misrepresentation that goes on over social media, but it’s frowned upon to post tantrum photos. This is what I want to be even if I never feel like the person here.
This is Life
Every night at 8pm I come out of our bedroom after nursing Jack to sleep. I meet my husband in the dark hallway who has just come up from rocking Exley to sleep. I pull my left breast out of the top of my shirt. I place my left hand on Exley’s back and my right hand under his bottom. My husband places his right hand on Exley’s lower back and his left hand on Exley’s arm. I scoop Exley to my breast. I carry him into our room and lie down next to Jack while Exley nurses for a few minutes. I slip my nipple out of his mouth. I stand up and look back at my 2 little boys sleeping next to each other as I quietly leave the room. [Read more…]
He’s Just a Baby
When my first son, Jack, was about 18 months during his second Christmas holiday. As usual my little sister was visiting from NYC. She is 11 years younger than me and has no children. She came to visit a couple of times a year and had spent time with Jack only a handful of times. [Read more…]
Dear Mama Friend
I am writing to you today because I can see that you have been crying. I know that you are struggling to keep your cool. You wonder how you can possibly get through the day. You doubt that you are capable of being a really good parent. Things aren’t going as planned. You tried so hard, but it’s falling apart. It seems like everyone has it together but you. Like you have failed yourself and your kids. Sometimes you want to run out of the house and never come back. Some days you feel like you don’t even like your own kids. Then you are flooded with guilt and anxiety that you could even think such a thing. [Read more…]
A New Kind of Birth Control
The wait is over. Have you been searching for the perfect birth control method? Are you tired of swallowing pills and inserting medical devices into your body? Do you need a 100% effective way of preventing pregnancy? [Read more…]
A Book Review of Benchwarmer: A Sports-Obsessed Memoir of Fatherhood
My dad owns a baseball signed by a man named Carlton Fisk—once a catcher for the Boston Red Sox. But it’s not his affiliation with the Red Sox which caused my dad to make this purchase—after all, my dad is a life-long Yankees fan, so such a piece of memorabilia treads toward sacrilegious. He has this ball because, as young boys, my dad and Mr. Fisk played sandlot ball together in Vermont. [Read more…]
What Does a Playground and the Moon Have in Common?
On July 20, 1969, four days after blasting off from the only planet known to have life, Neil Armstrong flew a Lunar Excursion Module (LEM) to the surface of the moon. Buzz Aldrin sat next to him secretly sweating out the final seconds while Neil found the perfect spot to land humans on another world for the first time. Neil sat the LEM gently down on the dusty surface and billions of people breathed a sigh of relief and heart-pounding excitement at the same time. [Read more…]
5 WAYS PARTNERS CAN SUPPORT BREASTFEEDING MOMS (A DAD’S PERSPECTIVE)
When I read articles and stories about breastfeeding, I frequently come across the comment that breastfeeding leads to a diminished role for the dad. After all, if only Mom can feed the baby, how will Dad get a chance to bond with his child? This comment always surprises me because my experience wasn’t like that at all. I have two sons, and both of them breastfed. (They subsisted exclusively on breastmilk for the first six or seven months, and continued nursing for a significant period after solid foods were introduced.) But at no point did I ever feel excluded, nor did I feel I had a lesser or unimportant role in my children’s lives. [Read more…]
Crappy Days: Attachment Parenting With a Temper
I woke up tired today. I guess I didn’t sleep much, but what’s new? I have a 1-year-old who nurses through the night, a 4-year-old who still nurses several times a day, and let’s face it, after 4 years of breastfeeding I just don’t sleep that well on my side for hours on end. I’m pretty much tired all the time. I figured I would get dressed while my husband was still around so I wouldn’t have to try to entertain the Tantruming Twosome while trying to brush my teeth and hide my boobs. [Read more…]