They’re Male Nipples, I Swear

I have been reviewing Facebook and Instagram’s policies on nipples and my head feels like it’s going to explode. I have never seen anything picked apart so much in my life! My nipples are sore from all the regulation.

To break it down real simple, you can’t show female nipples on either platform. (FEMALE NIPPLES – male nipples are fine no matter what.) If you are breastfeeding with one nipple in the child’s mouth then the other nipple can be exposed. Which is actually hilarious because raise your hand if you’ve had a breastfeeding photo removed nipple showing or not. Thanks for trying guys.

And why all the fuss? Because our nipples are so sexualized! No fuss over male nipples. But female nipples are pornographic just sitting there! Even if I wanted to show you my nipples as a consenting adult not engaged in a sexual act I am not allowed. It would be deemed pornographic and removed. So I drew male nipples over my female nipples so that this can stay up. Do you think they are pretty? Don’t remove this, Facebook. I drew MALE NIPPLES over my female nipples so that I would not violate your community standards. They are male, I swear.