By Cydney Damo,
9 months postpartum. This is the real, raw image of my life 9 months into motherhood. No, my body didn’t “bounce back” and that’s ok. I probably eat more carbs than I should. I probably eat more sweets than I should. Most of the time I don’t eat breakfast and then sometimes I don’t eat lunch until 3pm and then eat supper at 7 but that’s ok. Sometimes I scarf my food down while my baby girl is sitting in my lap trying to slap the food out of my hand… and that’s ok. I promise you, despite what social media may tell you.. it’s not all “rainbows and butterflies” babies cry. babies scream. babies want YOU and sometimes ONLY YOU.
My girl is 9 months old and I can’t even put her down so I can take a shower. I can’t sit on the toilet alone. She wants me… she needs me… she’s crying and screaming… for ME.
I just want a shower…. that’s all, is that too much to ask? I just simply want to feel the hot water on my body in peace. I want quietness. I really don’t want to be bothered. Is that bad? I want 5 short minutes to have my body to myself… no one touching it but right now, I can’t. Because you need me
Sure, you just ate… so you’re not hungry. You need comfort. I pulled the curtain back so you could see me but that’s not enough.. you need to touch me. You need to feel me. You need to know I’m there.
I think to myself, maybe I’m doing this all wrong? Maybe I shouldn’t have let her sleep with us since day 1… maybe I shouldn’t have let her nurse ALL. DAY. LONG…. she’s 9 months old and still nursing every 3 hours, sometimes more……
But no. I’m not doing this wrong. I’m doing this right. I’m a great mama and I’m doing what is best for my baby. She’s happy and healthy and that’s what matters.
So what if she’s clingy? Right now she needs me… one day she won’t be crying outside the bathroom door or on the other side of that shower curtain and I’ll miss that. I’ll miss those sweet little lips trembling because she wants to be close to me. I’ll miss her pulling at my breasts wanting to nurse for a just few minutes. She’ll always be my baby but one day I’ll miss how small she once was, how fragile she once was.
So for now, I’ll hold you sweet baby. I’ll hold you close to me. I’ll let you nurse for as long as you wish. On the couch, at the dinner table, in bed, or in the shower. It doesn’t matter sweetie because I’m here and I’m never leaving you. Because YOU need me.
